Why Do I Keep Reading Articles About Quitting Church?
I have been drawn lately to articles that talk about people being fed up with organized religion. I, too, feel that way, and walked away after many years for a great deal of reasons. But, if I am done, why do I keep looking at those articles? Done should be done, right?
I think that there is still some part of me that had wished it had worked out. I think that we are drawn to people, articles and so forth that look to support your choice or drive home why you do what you do or think how you think. There is a psychology term known as cognitive dissonance. The definition by Oxford Dictionary is “the state having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.” Basically, you are at conflict with your decision or action and are trying to rectify it so you can end the discomfort you are feeling. I have also seen this term use when someone believes they are so right, that to admit to be wrong, would cause more personal conflict, then to hold on to their false position.
The branch of Christianity in which I grew up was too hard to make work for myself and my family. Unfortunately, it really came into conflict with my own moral and spiritual belief system. It actually happened when I was quite young, yet I stayed for years. The reality of it was I should never have been there in the first place. I could have saved myself a lot of grief if I had only opened my eyes to the false beliefs I was holding onto.
Because I was raised in a large church with all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends, therefore, it must be right. Right? When the final separation came, I still felt guilty that I left. This is why I’m attracted to the articles as I try to rectify this discomfort, real or imaginary. “See…others did it too!” “Look, they too saw it!” Just because its right for the ones you love, does not make it right for you!
I love my family. There is conflict that all families experience in some shape or form. When I made the decision to leave, I heard about it as I was the first to break away. My wife constantly tells me that you can pick your friends, but you cannot pick your family. Just because they are related to you, does not make them good for you. Trust me, the guilt trip was heard loud and clear. To make it worse, we ended up in my wife’s church. After 25 years there, as it was better until it was not, now we are just done.
The more I look around the more I am discovering that I engage in these inconsistent ways of thinking in other situations in my life as well. I have also discovered that my conscience likes to perceive things as I was taught they should be, not as they are. I seem to be wearing the “Rose colored glasses” most days. You can save yourself a lot of ongoing discomfort if you would actually pay attention to reality versus the fantasy in your head.
In the situation with organized religion, in general, it took something really dramatic to push me to leave. Even then, it took almost a year to reconcile everything. I am here to say that even some decisions, no matter how good they are for you will still be painful. Trying to justify your decision is natural, just do not be so quick to defend your decision to the point of more harm or hurt to yourself or those around you.
My mother went to my childhood church until the day she died. Every single one of her children had left it by the time she passed away. I am sure she felt like she did something wrong as that was how she was. It was not her, and we all made sure not to do anything or say anything that would upset her more on the issue. You can think you are right, you can know you did the right thing but, it is only right by you and you alone. You have no right to try and force others to think or feel what you feel. It is not going to happen anyway, just look at Facebook and the constant threads of people trying to change the minds of others.
So, I am swearing off anymore articles on this matter as I am figuring out, I am truly done on these articles. I just had to write it all out, confront this discomfort and rectify my feelings to move on.
